Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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