If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
