Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And then the night went full on bisexual.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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