Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
