dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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