you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?