My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
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all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
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I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.