areolas are like halos for boobs.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.