allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.