Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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