About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
