you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole