absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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