My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just invented taco cereal.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
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So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
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When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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