My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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