Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!