not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The power of my boobs compel you
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.