We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
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My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?