I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups