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I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
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