You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me