Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017