theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life