I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language