OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.