What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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