I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
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Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
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Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.