Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?

(1-248): View more from Michigan

be more specific...?

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(248): whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen? (1-248): be more specific...? http://tfl.nu/5e4s

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(216): View more from Ohio

Someone shit on the floor

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(216): Someone shit on the floor http://tfl.nu/4f0v

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(206): View more from Washington

We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.

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(206): We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that. http://tfl.nu/vyji

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(314): View more from Missouri

My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.

(585): View more from New York

I hate you.

(314): View more from Missouri

To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.

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(314): My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers. (585): I hate you. (314): To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me. http://tfl.nu/wpxa

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(352): View more from Florida

Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.

(352): View more from Florida

And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.

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(352): Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye. (352): And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave. http://tfl.nu/f5gq

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(513): View more from Ohio

Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.

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(513): Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone. http://tfl.nu/y1zp

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(804): View more from Virginia

time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever

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(804): time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever http://tfl.nu/4zua

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.

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(865): I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck. http://tfl.nu/zkmt

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(402): View more from Nebraska

He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.

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(402): He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help. http://tfl.nu/brln

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(708): View more from Illinois

Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?

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(708): Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life? http://tfl.nu/qn7b

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(613): View more from Ontario

NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER

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(613): NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER http://tfl.nu/1x2h

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(906): View more from Michigan

does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?

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(906): does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex? http://tfl.nu/8dql

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(817): View more from Texas

You should come by for the fire station blow job tour

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(817): You should come by for the fire station blow job tour http://tfl.nu/ymfu

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(254): View more from Texas

Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.

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(254): Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed. http://tfl.nu/8cn8

Replies (2) Good night (204) Bad night (303)
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(618): View more from Illinois

If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.

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(618): If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies. http://tfl.nu/67ah

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