I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
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Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
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there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony