girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
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If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.