arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
