Betty ford says i'm here all night
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Everything about him screamed your future.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
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she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
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I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.