I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
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I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
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She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here