you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
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last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.