??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
