he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
