I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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