Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
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My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?