This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.