I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.