So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday