I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
3 2 1 whiskey