There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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