You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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