If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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