Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
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In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
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I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet