We're like a lot better than the average bears
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.