So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
