He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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