do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me đ
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I should have known it wouldnât work. Someone saved in her phone as âSubway Sexâ called the week before the wedding
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