hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
