ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
