so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize