his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
