Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
