dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
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You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
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Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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