i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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