I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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