my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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