It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize