Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die