OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.