Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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