cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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