I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
