Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
