why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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