a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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