I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have feelings that need drinking.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
