my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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