I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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