Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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