For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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