Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize